


summer nights in space make me complete (beams and beams of light, a love beyond belief)

by Thakh_Gaii



Series: life (somehow) exists, dammit [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam - Freeform, Adam Allura Matt friendship!!!, Family Issues, Fix-It, Gen, Hunk gets a POV and and existence!!! yay!, It's not stated outright but I thought yall should know, JUST, Krolia and Romelle make cameos but yeah, M/M, Mild Language, Movie Night, Nonbinary Keith (Voltron), Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Periods, Post-Canon, Romelle being a t i r e d bab, Sleepovers, Slice of Life, THEY'RE A SPACE FAMILY FUCKERS, Team as Family, Trans Shiro (Voltron), and kuron, and shiro, like they say fuck in their heads a lot, no beta we die like lance, not out loud though, references to heat but non-sexually, the klance is real in this guys, they suck and pidge ios gonna cure them, very soft, wow that death count is actually kinda high
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27656393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thakh_Gaii/pseuds/Thakh_Gaii
Summary: He left at midnight, after muffling another scream into his sheets to make sure that nothing woke the house up. He walked in the empty, dark streets, purposefully, eyes darting left and right for safety’s sake. He walks all the way to his home island’s harbour, where, hidden away in a cave (ironic), Yellow waits for him.(She’s always been patient with him, waiting for him to fly her, waiting for him to be confident enough to become her paladin in a true sense, now, waiting for him to come home with her.)(Part of a series, but you don't really need to read the first part- you could for some background if you like!)
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Alfor/Allura's Mother/Coran (Voltron), Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Keith/Lance (Voltron), Matt Holt & Everyone
Series: life (somehow) exists, dammit [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022203
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. and i just wanted you to know (that this is me trying)

**Author's Note:**

> More vld? From me? dunno what you're talking about!
> 
> Keith: Nonbinary- uses he/him, but cannot do gendered terms for himself. Calls lance his bf tho, while lance calls them partners (gay ace)  
> Pidge: Nonbinary- She/they, also hates gendered terms (aro ace)  
> Hunk: He/him, Male (pan ace)  
> Lance: He/him, Male (bi disaster to this day)  
> Shiro: Trans male, he/him (gay demi)  
> Adam: Male, He/Him (gay demi)  
> Matt: Trans male, he/him (pan ace)  
> Krolia: doesn't rlly give a shit, but she/her if you want. Likes being called 'mom' (pan? yeah)  
> Romelle: She/her, trans female (gayyyy)  
> Allura: She/Her, cassgensder/gender apathetic. Her gender doesn't mean much, and humans seem to like using she/her pronouns so what the hell, right? (bi bi bi)
> 
> Work title from [Space](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZKsoiISQZI) by Magic Wands  
> Chapter title from [this is me trying](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bdLTPNrlEg) by Taylor Swift (folklore is good okay??)
> 
> This is like genuinely the longest single-chapter/work I have ever written, with this chapter being over 4k words alone. I have _never_ written so much in one go for one thing in my LIFE. the second longest is a oneshot in my other series, [lost in a dream](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942549), a very gay cursed child series because fuck rowling

Leaving was hard, really hard for Hunk.

He’s missed his family so _much_ , but he could stay. Every day back on earth, on the same planet, not drifting through open space or exploring a planet (or you know, running away from one while being bombed) started to wear on him fast. It was like an itch, to _go, go go_ , he HAD too see something new, do something new. He needed to see his team. 

The assigned therapist that Hunk had on Earth called this behaviour ‘Codependent’ or whatever when he brought it up, and his parents, while well-meaning, hammered one of the first nails in this proverbial coffin by not letting him talk to them, even though he was nineteen and had spent four years with his Team in _space_ , thank you very much. Mom let him again, after a while, even though Mama kept giving her dirty looks.

But the itch remained. Lance and Hunk and Pidge and Shiro could all feel it too. Allura, Romelle and Coran missed them all, Hunk hadn’t seen Shay in _months_ by then, and not being able to sleep at all, what with the nightmares and without the ability to stay up till the stupid hours with someone else in solidarity, Hunk was just not having a great time.

So he left. He recorded a message _(because he loves his family, he wouldn’t make that mistake again)_ , packed a duffel bag with his phone, a charger and his toolkit for adapting the castle power to his phone. (He and Pidge had talked, and Hunk was pretty sure that they could collectively set up castleship wi-fi with Lance’s help, because Lance is really smart when it comes to adapting things instead of creating them.)

He left at midnight, after muffling another scream into his sheets to make sure that nothing woke the house up. He walked in the empty, dark streets, purposefully, eyes darting left and right for safety’s sake. He walks all the way to his home island’s harbour, where, hidden away in a cave (ironic), Yellow waits for him. 

_(She’s always been patient with him, waiting for him to fly her, waiting for him to be confident enough to become her paladin in a true sense, now, waiting for him to come home with her.)_

She leans into the hand (small in comparison to her) that Hunk puts on her nose, purring in that beautiful way that only machines can. It’s safe, in a way only his lion and his Team can ever be. He sighs, and takes his hand off, stepping back a bit so that Yellow can open up for him. 

Walking in feels like coming home all over again- maybe not with the same relief that coming to Earth was, but more on the lines of a sort of tired homecoming, like Mama when she came home from long shifts at the hospital on the next island over. Hunk sits in the pilot’s seat (And he doesn’t remember when he started considering himself more pilot than engineer, but he finds that he’s alright with this), and leaves the cave, shooting off into the open sky.  
Hunk looks at his screen to see it flashing green. Pidge, then. 

“Hey, Pidgeon!” Pidge snickers, and tries to slug his elbow from all the way in a different lion, even though she knows that it’s not possible, even with all the fancy space science they know now. Hunk laughs again, because he knows that he’s going to see his siblings again soon, and his brother and sister, and both the dysfunctional space dads he knows and loves. 

He and Pidge make casual conversation, easy and gentle, all the way to Uranus (haha not funny, Adam), which the Castleship is hiding in the orbit of. Both they and Hunk go absolutely silent, stunned, _elated_ when the Castleship comes into view again, because, _goddamn it_ , he missed this. In his peripherals, Hunk can see Blue, Red And Black all coming up behind or beside him, with Green just ahead, reminiscent of battles where they all came back here (home) bloody and bruised to hell, sure, but also proud that they could help, that one more facet of the Galra Empire is over and done with.

The doors open for them all, smooth as always, and Black goes in first, with Shiro and Adam, then Red, with Keith (and Krolia’s bags, she’s on a swap moon finishing some stuff up) and Kosmo, Green with Pidge, Matt and Mika, their therapy cat (with Coleen’s permission, of course. Hunk may fear Mama Holt a little bit. Just maybe), Blue with Lance and his twin, Allita, because Allita is refusing to see her brother off without her this time, and finally, Hunk, alone. Shay will be here soon, though. 

Hunk leaves his lion last, but everyone else is right outside, clearly resisting hugging each other until he’s with them too, so he decides not to keep them waiting any longer, because it has been _way too long_ now.

Lance hugs Pidge, because she’s the closest top him, and soon it’s an absolute cuddle party, and it only gets bigger when Allura, Coran and Romelle join in (it only took them this long because the sprint from the lookout to the hangar is a long one, even with it being a _sprint_ and not a walk), laughing and crying and whispering ‘I love you’’s to whoever they all can, platonic or not, because this is Hunk’s family, and they’re all together again.

The lions all look on fondly, because they know that this kind of reunion only happens once every few paladin cycles, so they’ll take what they can.

…

Pidge had _just_ finished examining some really cool plant samples with Matt (and Dad over the phone), when Mika paws at her legs incessantly, and Pidge must really be softening up, because they smile, and bend down, even in her sleep-deprived haze to scritch the back of Mika’s ears, because Mika loves affection like that- it makes her purr in this _adorable_ way, only otherwise seen with the Trash Nebula Friends.

They push up their glasses (unconsciously mirroring Shiro), stack up the papers and put their tablet up for charge, and head out. Now with the samples adequately researched, Pidge can finally let herself sleep, but only (and she means _only_ ) after movie night with Voltron, because that’s always been a thing.  
It’s been three weeks since Team Voltron’s moved back into the castleship, lack of war and adequate preparations in tow, and Pidge doesn’t think she’s ever been happier. Bullies can’t touch her, their family is safe (thank _science_ for that) and she’s exploring open space, cataloguing species, creatures and other anomalies with their team, as their _job_ , for the rest of their career/ _life_. How does it get better than that?

Lance’s room (where most movie nights take place) is a _mess_. There are photos, equations and writing spilled out everywhere, diplomacy notes hastily stacked and organised on his desk, and books and texts on literally every free surface. Lance sees them, and perks up, and then his expression changes to more of a sheepish smile, because he’s being _messy_ again right now and it shows. Sighing, Pidge presses two fingers to her temple, sighs, and helps lance clean up. Research texts in one box, diplomatic stuff in another, personal stuff in the last, till there’s only some pictures, a lamp and Lance’s tablet on his table, and the bed only has his covers and the laptop.

Keith comes in next, sweaty and gross, so Pidge and Lance throw some clothes at him and yell for him to _take a goddamn shower_ , so he does. Hunk dawdles a bit, making very teasing remarks about the next batch of nice space desserts he has ready, but ultimately comes in anyways. Allita and Krolia enter at the same time, clearly tired from spending all day flying to and from the moon they’re on (ASDF-13, Pidge thinks) to collect data and samples, so when they inevitably collapse onto Lance’s sheet., Pidge says nothing.

Shiro and Adam are the last ones to come, clearly because they were having some emotional conversation or the other (Those two have so much they need to talk about, and Pidge is so proud of them for making the effort and being a good influence on couples everywhere.). Shiro ruffles her hair, and while she shrieks and grumbles, she’s just happy that Shiro’s there to ruffle their hair at all, at any given time, because it all could’ve gone so differently that it’s scary, sometimes. Adam smiles at him, and pats their shoulder, so Pidge scoots over a bit to make some room.

As soon as Keith is out of the shower, debate resumes on what movie to pick.

“But The Nightmare Before Christmas is a _classic_! We can’t not watch it!” exclaims Lance. Clearly, he hasn’t watched the IT remake. Clearly.

“Yeah? Well what about the IT remake? You’re missing out on _that_ , Lance!” Pidge snarks back. Lance's face turns the brightest shade of red with fake-rage, and Pidge giggles a bit, just because it is really tha funny.

“Children, children, it is time to hush and listen to Space Dad Shiro ™ . The movie we are going to watch is the original ‘The Mars Generation and that is final.” Says Shiro, calmly, pushing both of his hands outward of his sides, as if trying to push away Pidge and Keith on either side. Stupid Shiro and his Dad-Authority. Unfair!

Later, when the movie is well into playing, Hunk’s tablet buzzes, and he looks down at it, sheepishly, Not telling his parents he was going was probably not his best move ever, but Pidge had nothing to say to it, considering she only told her parents that she was going mid-packing. And the only reason that they knew at all was because they’d walked in on Pidge trying to shove their soldering tools into a duffel, along with everything else. Stupid soldering tools. But yeah, Hunk excused himself, and with some whispered reassurances from Keith, he left. 

“What happened?” Lance asks Keith. The movie is paused, still. Everyone turns towards Keith, looking quizzically. The red paladin shrugs, looking away a bit.

“Just… family things. Nothing I can really help with. He’ll be fine.” Keith looks away, eyes averted, expression a bit, just like he does whenever families come into conversation and he and Krolia have nothing to say. He forgets, sometimes, that whatever this team has is a family too. A strange one, one formed in necessity and trauma, sure, but a family nonetheless. Shiro moves a little further away from Pidge, to press up next to Keith, as Lance takes him in his lap, Krolia keeps a steady hand on his shoulder, and themselves and Allura kind of spread their arms into something of a pseudo-hug, which Adam and Romelle finish off. Mika curls up in the crook of Pidge’s shoulder, trying to join in on the action. Allita looks on, smiling fondly, eyes unreadable.

“Hey, Samurai?” Lance says, softly, just enough for the hugpile to hear, Allita excluded, quiet and fond and loving. (Pidge would call it gross, but right now she’s got too much cat and ~~teammate~~ family member in her arms to care.

“You know we love you, right?” Keith smiles, and turns his eyes toward Lance, , who smiles back.

“Yeah.”

Hunk walks in about five minutes later, and even though he’s trying to (fake) smile for all of them, he enters everyone’s hold, everyone opening out a bit to put him in the middle, where he doesn’t cry, but he shakes like a leaf, and his eyes turn glassy. 

They’ll all stay like that for nearly twenty minutes, but that’s okay. ~~Teammates~~ Family is worth feeling sweaty in a hug for.

..

Lance doesn’t know what to do. 

_”You don’t care about your real family, do you? You know, the one you were born in? Mierda, Alejandro!”_

He can’t get her words, his sister’s words, out of his godforsaken head and he doesn’t know what to _do_.

It had all started (this whole shitstorm) with an argument, when Lance had considered not visiting Earth this cycle because he’d still not recovered from the claustrophobia he’s felt, stuck there, even with all the happiness that he had felt at the same time. Keith and Shiro were staying behind, too, while Hunk and Adam and Pidge were going. Allita wanted to go, too, but assumed that he was, too. Lance only figured this out when Allita started packing her stuff, then set out a bag for Lance, and started to pack that too. Lance told her, then that he really wasn’t planning to come home then. He tried to bring up the claustrophobia, and that he wanted to see Nyma and Plax again, but Allita was so _upset_...

_”Are we not important to you anymore?”_

They were. His familia on Earth (Mami, Papi, Luis, Marco, Veronica, Nadia, Lisa and Sylvio, _ole…_ ) are so important to him, how could Allita not see that? It’s why he wanted some more time. If he came back now, even for a few days, the claustrophobia and the concern and not being able to see someone when he inevitably had a nightmare or a flashback would make everyone miserable, and he wouldn’t be able to take it. Lance would be running back to open space in a day and a half, barely spending any time with his familia at all. He couldn’t do it- to himself or to his familia, it’d break him. So he’d stay.

He’ll stay.

It was nighttime (or the closest approximation to nighttime the Castleship has) on the ship, and they’d all just left ASDF-13 to take whoever was going back to Earth, back to Earth. Bags and cases were loaded in the hangar, and while no desks and surfaces had been emptied, like they had done the first time, when they headed back to Earth eight months ago. a few things were missing. Dios, Lance was going to miss everyone so much.

He sat down in the common area, Legs crossed and hands in his lap, staring at nothing for a while (doboshes? Vargas? How would he know?), till he heard his name.

“Lance?” Oh, that was Shiro, then. 

“Hi, Shirt.” quipped Lance. Shiro smirked a bit, moving from the spot of the wall he was leaning on, uncrossing his arms as he walked over to the lounge couch, and sitting, one leg over the other, relaxed. But there was eye contact.

“Hey, Lonce.” 

“Don’t make fun of Ally's accent like that!”

“She lets us, you know it.”

“Fair enough.” Shiro shifts, so that Lance has to make eye contact with him, no matter what. It’s not the most comfortable thing, but he manages to do it.

“So, what’s got you out here this late? I didn’t hear you screaming, this time.” asks Shiro, and Lance doesn’t know how to say, because he _wants_ to, he really does. He just doesn’t know _how_.

“So uh… Allita and I got in a fight. About-- About going home.” Lance says eventually, lifting his shoulders and trying to avoid eye contact, even though he knows he won’t be able too. Shiro hums, looking sort of lost in thought. His smirk has turned into a kind of smile, soft and also kind of sad all at once. It’s a smile he used to have for when he was alone, back when Pidge was thirteen-almost-fourteen and Lance and Hunk and Keith were fifteen and Shiro used to whisper about _”Too young, too young.”_ when he was alone. 

The bruise paladins stay that way for a while, in the dead silence of a (mostly) sleeping Castleship,, as Lance’s panic and sadness and _guilt_ keeps building up and he thinks he’ll spill over- -

“It’s okay if you want to stay, you know.”, and all of a sudden it’s like he's been punched, and everything is clear for a moment. Shiro hums again, an old song.

“I’m pretty sure that your reasons for staying are different from mine, but considering how much you missed your family during the war, there must be a good reason why you aren’t going back this time.” He says, and Lance breathes in, and out. He puts his feet on the ground, to ward off the last of his panic, to remember that he is on the castleship, _home_ , not in a military tent, or on the battlefield with bombs everywhere, or on Cuba where everything is lovely but oh so _small and tight and close_. No, he’s on the Castleship. 

“Yeah, at least I hope so. It was _so good_ to be home, but it was so small, and I couldn’t go anywhere, and I couldn’t see you guys for _ages_ , and everyone treated me like I’d break any second, that’s why Allita’s here with me at all. I missed this, and as much as I do want to say hi to everyone, I know I-I’ll break if I do, so I shouldn’t, really.” finishes Lance, wiping away the last of his tears aggressively with his elbow, pressing his socked feet to the floor a bit harder. Shiro hums again, no song in particular, and puts his human hand (warm, and steady) on Lance’s shoulder, and it’s safe.

“So here’s what I think you should consider doing. Try talking to Allita, this time, instead of defending yourself. Explain, calmly, that no, your going back at this particular time would be bad for all of you, but you are also not so fragile that you would break. Lance, you are one of the _strongest_ people I have ever had the privilege to know.” Lance inhales, a bit sharply, and turns to make eye contact with Shiro. Shiro’s still sitting in that relaxed way that he always does, but his eyes aren’t as sad. They still are, but that’s a given at this point. There’s a fire there, a kind of determination for lance to _understand_ , and it makes Lance want to understand what Shiro thinks is so imperative for him to understand.

“Lance, you always worry about other people before you can worry about yourself. When I was...gone (Shiro’s voice chokes up a bit there, but not in the teary-eyes way), and Keith was with the Blades, you stepped up, you were suspicious of the clone before anyone. You helped take him down.”

_(Lance remembers- Him And Keith, together, trying so, so hard for fake-Shiro to understand, but he never does and goes back for the next hit.)_

Shiro tightens his grip on Lance’s shoulder some. “You kept us together, even when the rest of the team ignored what you had to say, because they were so caught up in their own junk, and made us better, Lance. You have always been so brave, whether it be guiding Gremlin-Pidge through her first period or keeping civilians safe during a Galran bombing raid. This is brave, too. Wanting to be your family, but also staying away a bit longer to make sure you can be with them. You are so, so brave, Lance.” Shiro finishes, and Lance sees him start to tear up, and he sees the first tears fall down Shiro’s face and doesn’t know he’s crying until one stray tear lands on his lip.

Shiro lets go of the hand on Lance’s shoulder, in order to wipe off his own tears, but Lance is relieved, truly, that someone else understands. He’s going to speak to Allita first thing tomorrow, but tonight, he gives Shiro a hug, and it’ll last thirty ticks till the angle starts becoming mildly painful, and they’ll let go, rubbing their backs and laughing a bit, and go their separate ways. Lance will make his way upstairs to his and Keith’s shared room, and check on Pidge, who’ll finally be asleep by now, and lift her into bed, putting their computer aside in their travelling duffle for the next morning. He’ll whisper a soft ‘Goodnight’ in her ear, and move on to Hink’s room, where he’ll find his hermano fast asleep already, so he’ll just smile, softly, and go to the last room in the corridor.

In his and Keith’s room, Lance will find Allita, crying a bit, but still very sleepy, being comforted by an equally sleepy Keith. Lance will pick her up like he always has, just under the armpits, and whisper in her ear that they’ll talk tomorrow, and she’ll be dropped off at their doorway, and she’ll kiss his forehead and say a quick ‘lo siento’ anyways, before going. Keith will smile at him, a bit sleepily, but he’ll frown a bit when he sees the tear tracks. Lance will hold his partner in bed, let Keith run his sword-trained hands through Lance’s hair, and kiss along the tear tracks because Keith isn’t super with words, sure, but his actions speak for themselves.

Lance will fall asleep eventually, to the lazy rhythm of his partner’s fingers in his hair, and he’ll put one more sleepy kiss on Keith’s neck before he manages to drift off, without any nightmares this time, and Keith follows soon after. All is well in the Castleship, or, at least it will be.

…

Keith is really not having a good day.

He’d woken up feeling tingly and numb all over, his head feeling slow and gross and the rest of him ached. He couldn’t lie down anywhere comfortably, and everything was too _hot_. (Ironic for the Paladin of _Fire_ ) He groaned a bit, and tried to push himself a little further from Lance, because, As much as Keith loved his boyfriend, everything was so stuffy that it’d just make the whole situation _worse_.

_thunk_

Aaaand he’s on the floor. Lovely. Well, it’s less stuffy, and Keith’s back isn’t hissing anymore, so may as well let it be.

“Keef?” grumbles Lance from above. Wow, this is weird. Keith feels the vibrations of what Lance says more than he hears Lance say it. Lance turns over and takes a good look at him, and lifts his eyebrows, in concern.

“Stuffy.” Keith responds, arranging himself so that he’s spread-eagled onto the cold (hard) ground, trying to clear his head some. It’s not working. Lance untangles himself from the blankets a little bit, sitting up on the bed instead, feat on the floor.

“Touch?” he asks, one hand about a few inches away from Keith’s face.

“No.” And that’s okay, because these things just...happen every month or so, and there’s nothing Keith can do about it. Weirdly enough, this thing syncs up with Pidge’s period. Lance pulls his hand away, keeping it next to him instead, and smiling, a bit more awake by now at Keith, who is still looking up through a floof of hair in front of his face as if that hair has personally wronged him. They both laugh a bit, throats still a little morning-dry, before Lance perks up, hearing Hunk and pidge yelling about _something_ techy or the other with Matt, who’s in the next System (CRSH-ZM, If Keith could remember properly) helping civilians rehabilitate on their planets, or go to new ones if theirs were destroyed. Lance looks at the door, smiling amusedly at the chais outside, with Pidge (an eighteen year old _person_ , thank you in their own words) on Hunk’s shoulders, perching there like she’s fourteen again and just found their family. Hunl’s got them, and they’re both laughing, before catching Lance looking at them. Pidge grins sardonically and tells lance to, and Keith quotes, ‘HURRY YOUR ASS UP HERE! SPACE-FI’s NEARLY DONE!.” 

Lance sighs, a happy little thing, and looks at Keith with that same home-happiness-belonging feeling that the entire ship seemed to be wearing lately (Keith included), with a touch of concern too, because this was Lance they were all talking about. Lance who sympathised with everyone, whether that pain was normal or a new thing. Keith smiles back a bit, motioning with a very small movement of his neck that _yes_ , Lance, he’ll be okay. Lance tilts his neck in return, smile never leaving his face, and he gets up, brushes off his lap a bit and walks out to team Punk, clearly excited by their near completion.

On Lance’s way out, he flicks off the floor heating, so that the floor stays cold for Keith. That _saint._.

Pidge comes by a few hours later, when the loud-numbness has subsided some, and she’s groaning, muttering under her breath about things like space birth control, or anything she could do to get rid of their period, now that they’re eighteen anyway. Keith just pats his sibling’s back, and they rub his in return, with (thankfully cold) steady hands. Shiro comes in to get them both hot chocolate and iced tea, which Hunk clearly made considering it’s edible, but gives them cards that he made himself, with cute little drawings of them, chibi style, holding up their respective bayards up in a victory pose, standing on top of a crudely-drawn Earth, saying ‘Conquer the world!’, but when opened, showing Chibi Keith and Pidge in bed surrounded by the Team And their families in a big hug saying ‘After you look after yourself’. They laugh, Shiro smiles, and Keith and Pidge are alone for another hour, where they mostly just chat with Krolia over video.

It’s about space-evening, when Matt, Allura and Adam (with Coran supervising, because leaving those three alone together has NEVER ended well for the structural integrity of, well, anything really) burst into the room, Romelle sighing in that annoyed-amused look she wears when Allura (who is certainly NOT a hoity-toity queen in private) gets up to something. Keith is now, understandably, alarmed.  
But it turns out to be okay. The majority of the heat is gone, on Keith’s part, so physical contact is fine. The event turns out to be another fanfiction marathon, where the goal is to read through the entirety of Love and Other Fairytales, which everyone collectively sobbed through, regardless of how hard they tried to stave it off.

“But, but _Patton!_ and _Logan!_ becoming friends and the graveyard??”

“Roman instantly becomes ride or die, huh. Love it.” “Sounds like Lance and I but okay”

“Greta!!!!!”

“FUCK YOU EIRWEN!!!!” “Oooooh no Thomas angst I CANNOT handle this emotional upheaval” “It’s okay, ‘Lura.”

“The slash begins.” “Jeez Keith try from some feeling there kiddo” “Patton isn’t Lance or a Hippo so I have no reason to.”

And such. Lance works with Hunk throughout the night, and the entire sleepover party falls asleep in the worst angles possible, but the next morning, Lance comes in with a very ecstatic Hunk, tiredly but happily beaming at the room, and telling them the Wi-Fi network name and password (Name-KickAssGoToSpace Password- RepresentTheHumanRace) before straight up collapsing onto bed, fast asleep where Pidge and Adam’s legs used to be, Hunk toppling onto the pillows on Lance’s left soon after. And the heat was fading, and even though Keith’s neck was cricked beyond belief, he smiled anyway, laughing with everyone as they started piling in, because everyone is alright and there’s nothing to do today, so why not? It’ll be nice today anyways, floating in space with the ten people Keith loves most in the Universe.


	2. but i was born to rule (the dark side of the moon, our lovely underworld)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [born to rule](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXyQEXcrKi8), by Transviolet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that the ending is so shoddy, but this doc was taking up so much space and I _needed_ to finish this- however much I might hate it.

Shiro remembers the war clearly. Of course he does- it ended less than two years ago.

But he doesn’t remember things like the fighting, the bodies, the dumbass treaties all that well. No, that’s Lance’s territory (Kami that kid’s always loved so deeply and completely and seeing all that, and having it burned into his head must be killing him), but Shiro remembers other things. Things that the others have no reason to know.

He remembers freeing brothels, actually speaking to the people in them and trying to understand what kind of fucked-up person would do this to people, with families and lives and something to go on for.

(He’s realised that the words ‘human’ and ‘person’ don’t mean the same thing. A human is homo sapiens. Shiro. Keith. Hunk. Lance. Pidge. A ‘Person’ is anyone with consciousness. Allura. Coran. Nyma, Zarkon. Lotor)

He remembers having to talk down Pidge and Hunk after they killed someone for the first time, because there were remains everywhere and they couldn’t get the bodies out of their eyes, and Shiro didn’t know what to do because it seemed like his brain was big on making him forget everything to do with the arena, but he and Lance had tried their best.

_(Lance had killed a man before- someone tried to rape his sister and he hit the guy in the trachea with a hammer, and again in the head. He didn’t last long.)_

He remembers seeing Lance in the library, still under the impression that Lance wasn’t taking this ( _this war, this hell_ ) seriously enough, only to find the Blue Paladin hyperventilating over not being able to find a definition for a diplomatic term, and refusing help from anyone because he didn’t want them to think he was weak, that he was more of a burden than he already was. Shiro remembers the months and months that it took for Lance to stop looking shocked when someone even _insinuated_ that he was worth something, and that look of surprise, of disbelief, while rarer, still crushes Shiro’s heart every time he thinks about it.

He remembers ~~Katie~~ Pidge telling Shiro about the self-surgery that they did for herself. It was the equivalent of top surgery, and while they’d gone to a hospital for any other complications, they’d still _done_ it, on the middle of an ice planet so that everything would go numb. Shiro remembers how Pidge eventually never allowed her hair to grow again, throwing away their dresses or _anything_ that linked them back to Katie except that picture, and even that was thrown away and replaced with another one after they got Matt back. There was nothing left of Katie holt. Just Pidge sometimes-Holt-often-Gunderson. 

(Shiro was registered as her father, when the doctors on Olkarion registered the two of them for Space-Hormones, to finish off his transition, and to neutralise Pidge’s.)

Shiro remembers, all too clearly, the time Hunk finally snapped, stopped being able to be the _happy, calm, stable_ one, and had a breakdown after a particularly awful battle. Everyone else was injured (almost dead, ALMOST DEAD), but Shiro was there, trying to coax Yellow (slowly, gently) into opening up, so Hunk would have, someone, anyone. Black told him via proxy that Shiro’s presence would only make things worse. It ended up being something about the clone pushed to the forefront of Hunk’s memory, Shiro telling Hunk it was alright to just bind the person he was fighting, leaving him unarmed, when Clone Shiro would have told him to just kill the guy.

_(Some days, Shiro wanted to rip his heart out, at least then, feeling the weight of this war wouldn’t be so hard. But wouldn’t he, then, become just as bad as the ones they’re fighting?)_

But the war is over. He’ll remember things for the rest of his life, and he’ll have to try his best to move forward, but with his space-family by his side, he thinks he’ll be alright.

_(Some nights, Shiro can’t get the cold, hard words of his parents out of his head, of hearing that name from everyone’s lips, even though she’s gone, has been for years, and that he hasn’t seen anyone who knew her for almost as long.)_

Shiro tries to move on, in the way he jokes about death and doom with Lance, trying to make it all funny in hindsight, and sometimes it works. In the way he and Keith cry together, for everything that Kuro took from them without knowing, for how hard he’s trying to put it back, and sometimes Kuro’s there too, no longer _The Clone_ , because the clone was evil and bad and horrible, but Kuro- bumbling bookworm who likes space caterpillars a lot and keeps Trash Nebula Friends as pets. They’ll cry together, and repeat apologies to the otherwise empty room, and they’ll forgive, because it really wasn't their faults, right?They’ll laugh, dryly, a little, and wipe off tears with sleeves and go back to bed, Kuron with his pets, Keith to Lance (and god, doesn’t Shiro love that Keith gets to have this, that Keith gets love and affection, what he’s wanted all his life), and Shiro to Adam, who’ll have heard just enough but not everything, and they’ll hug and kiss and maybe go further but probably not, not unless Shiro’s still crying and Adam is staring out into space and needs to know that Shiro’s still _there_.

In the way Shiro and Pidge team up for most things, because they both dont really have a niche outside of tech and leader-ing, and therefore end up together, more often than not during diplomacy bullshit. In the safety-home of the castle, they’ll go on elaborate rants about gender and transitioning together, and lay down and laugh like idiots, because hey, that’s exactly what they all are. In the way Hunk initially bans Shiro from the kitchen entirely, but slowly lets him in, first as an observer- “And here's how NOT not burn water to a crisp!”- and then as a participant- “Pai-shou roots are really lovely caffeine substitutes, and they taste nice and sweet.” “Hmmm, so I fry them? With the tiempa oil?” “Yeah!”- and all of a sudden they make meals together once a week and Adam is flabbergasted. (One of Keith’s vocab words when he was nine. He used it non-stop for months)

Sometimes, Shiro and Krolia will talk, together, and Shiro will ask the questions that used to fill him up with righteous anger, that nowadays leave him tired and somewhat sad. They’ll answer each other’s questions, and Shiro can see how Krolia desperately clings to pictures and videos and handwriting and memories of Keith, as if she can fill in those nineteen years with those alone, and Shiro wonders if his birth family ever did that, for Ichika, when they gave up their son to cling to their daughter. Shiro doesn’t know, Krolia doesn’t know, and maybe they never will know, but they sit there together and grieve all the same. And if later on, when there’s no grief left to unearth, they take to reading books together? Then that’s just them.

Allita sometimes joins Lance and Shiro when they aren’t joking about their deaths and everything that comes with. They don’t have deep, emotional talks, but Alluta is always there- a piece of Earth that mostly stays there, grounded enough to remind them that earth is still there, even when Voltron isn’t. She doesn’t live on the Castleship anymore, but she does visit for a few days every six months or so, if only to relay messages from Lance’s family.

Shiro and Matt find themselves together, sometimes, alone, sometimes with Keith and Adam- the entirety of Chaos Team One. Sometimes they plan stupid pranks to play on Chaos Team Two and the others, other times they talk about Earth, and whats gone and what’s left. Matt sometimes drops the humor entirely to cry his heart out now that Pidge won’t hear, and Keith rubs his back awkwardly like he did back when he was ten eleven twelve thirteen and Matt was sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen when he freaked out over a less than 96 grade and Shiro and Adam will flank them on either side, just like they used to, and it’ll be okay for a while.

It’s mostly pranks, though. They haven’t lost _all_ their sense of humor.

…

Krolia doesn’t speak to the younger ones too often (Chaos Team Two, apparently they’re called). They’re loud, and young, and even after the war they have so much of their inner child left that it’s sometimes hard to deal with. She does try, however.

Lance used to look at her with open contempt (And she deserves it, doesn’t she?) for what she did to his partner, her son.

Nowadays, it’s more of a quiet acknowledgement, that they’ll both protect Keith's heart the best they can, as long as they can.

Hunk looks at her with a quiet fear, but she’s a hulking agent of the Blades of Marmora, so that may be warranted. These days it’s more like a mild intimidation, and they can carry conversation well enough.

Pidge ~~Katie?~~ looks at her like someone fascinating, like the code on her laptop, but in like, a humanly fascinated way. That hasn't changed much.

Allura and Romelle look at Krolia with respect. She doesn’t know them very well.

Chaos Team One speaks with her more often, but Keith’s also been spending less one-on-one time with her, by virtue of the fact that spending six straight months together on a Space Whale is very very long. The smiles he gives her, sometimes however, tell her that no love has been lost, that it’s just a matter of personal space.

Krolia thinks she’ll be fine, all things considered. They all will be.

…

Allura doesn’t exactly know when this rag-tag group of defenders stopped being her crew and became her family, but she sure as hell isn’t complaining.

_(She misses, sometimes, walking through the castle halls, hand in hand with her mother and father, not knowing she was anybody important yet, laughing at dignitaries’s funny clothes. She misses everything.)_

Romelle walks up behind her, looking resplendent in Altean Queen’s robes, that suit her so well with that smile that Allura’s heart may just burst. Romelle’s smiles have always been cheeky things, that plump up her already squishy cheeks, show her teeth and make her marks _shine_ like the jewels found deep in Altea’s crust. Romelle herself has never been one for proper behaviour, so she stalks across the room, with the biggest strides she can make, all the while rattling off the things she did with Lance and Shiro today (mostly papers, but with a side dose of analysing some thriftian root) as if she’s never done anything more interesting. 

“So what did you do today, ‘Lura?” Asks Romelle, and she’s so excited to hear her girlfriend’s answer that Allura feels excited giving it. Romelle’s always been infectious that way.

Grinning, Allura replies. “Well, first, Adam, Matt and I ‘raised hell’ by replacing the food goo with pure Pai-Shou, so everyone's high out of their minds! And, and then-wait for this- Pidge turned out to be immune! They have so much caffeine that the Pai-shou did _nothing._ Nothing, Romelle!” starts Allura, already feeling the proxy excitement, and her own self-satisfaction combing to create this eustress-like feeling which reflected in her love’s eyes so clearly, beautifully--

“Tell me more! Tell me more!” Squeals Romelle, flapping her hands and practically _hopping_ around the room, taking Allura’s hand and dipping her, like a dance.

_(Her parents did this with her, once, dancing and talking in fancy dresses for no good reason other than it was **fun** )_

“Well, after that, I was with the Tiftians, obviously, and there was a little Tiftian _baby_!! They were the cutest thing, in those fluffy robes!” Giggles Allura.

Romelle actually _squeaks_ , this time, and Allura pulls herself up to spin her beloved around and around till they’re spinning and spinning Allura’s forgotten where she ends and Romelle begins--

Romelle stops, abruptly, happy smile becoming just that much cheekier, and she leaves Allura’s arms for that moment (the absence feels strangely hollow) to switch on a music player on the bedside of their room, which starts playing something by Ed Sheeran (Allura only knows this because Lance and Shiro gave her the Mandatory Earth Music Crash Course ™ ), ‘Galway Girl’, she thinks, confirmed by the beginning of the lyrics. Romelle laughs again (and by the ancients, Allura could get _drunk_ forever on that sound), takes Allura’s hand. They start spinning again, but there’s actual dance steps interspersed there too- some Altean folk, some things from the colony, even some Earth dances that they’ve picked up via osmosis from the others.

The song goes onto repeat, and Lance walks in, looking intrigued by the music, Keith holding his partner’s hand. They start a dance as well, but with more kicks and duet work. There’s less contact, less grace, but there’s _life_ , in everything that those two do together, flailing arms and legs forming star shapes. 

_(So different from when Shiro had gone missing the first time, with Keith, lifeless and lost, as if his only thread to the world had been snapped, and Lance, fake like in everything he did, desperately trying to hold spirits high)_

Romelle and Allura split off from each other at some point, Romelle with her brother, Allura with her own. Lance smirks, cocky but for good reason. He does have five years of that dastardly ballet dance form under his belt. Romelle and Keith start doing their own little spazz dance, which doesn’t really have any rules but be as random as possible, grinning like children. Lance sweeps her up, and they start to move. Allura’s not really sure what kind of dance they're doing now, but she likes it lots.

In her (albeit rather skewed) periphery, Allura can see her mother and father, spinning gracefully, beckoning her to join in. Romelle slows down. Allura doesn’t know what is the past and what is the present, because her parents are _there_ and she pulls herself away from Romelle, taking their hands--

And Allura crashes to the floor.

They were never there. They haven’t been for ten thousand years, they never will be here again, all that’s left is memories and ghosts and dreams and--

Allura doesn’t realise that she’s crying till Romelle and Lance wipe the tears off her face with their thumbs. She cries for her parents, and all she has ever lost. One year after the war, Allura Shirogane-Kogane-McClain-Gunderson-Garrett-Holt of Altea finally lets herself grieve, lets herself see the ghosts of everyone and everything that she pushed away for so, so long.

_( The Galra child who she once played string games with-_

_Her first kiss, an Olkari ‘girl’ when Allura’s sixteen and Nyxal is seventeen and it’s wet and funny but it’s lovely too-_

_Coran, her father and her mother holding hands and exchanging kisses while a younger Allura, no older than six, perhaps, blows raspberries with an attendant by her side-_

_Lotor smirking at her father as Zarkon sheaths his sword in Allura’s father’s chest, Mother nowhere to be found-_

_Lance catching her, fresh out of Cryo as he uses the dumbest pick up line in **existence** , oh my ancients-_

Allura grieves, finally, and her family helps her pick up the pieces. It’s probably the most uncomfortable embrace in the world, legas out at strange angles, everyone reaching for one another as they try to calm her down, but it works, and Coran sees them all, ad next thing Allura knows they’re all in hers and Romelle’s bed, saying nothing, being there, letting her cry like she’s wanted to since she was sixteen and a half (ten thousand, four hundred and sixty four and a half) and everything she’d ever known had been snatched away by time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, folks- 
> 
> my [tumblr](https://blue-also-writes-now.tumblr.com) (you can talk to me about like,,, any of my works I am literally ever not down), my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bloominginthew1) (I beat NaNo 2020!!), and my [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/bloominginthewoods), where I take writing (and drawing!) commissions!

**Author's Note:**

> If you ever want questions answered about this verse, or want other vld fic recs, seriously, ask on [tumblr](https://blue-also-writes-now.tumblr.com)\- I am literally never not down. keep them PG-13 though please!
> 
> Quick thing- Heat, as in the heat everyone in the A/B/O community fawns over, is mentioned here as something Keith goes through every month which also syncs with Pidge's period. However, Keith is asexual (sex repulsed if you want to know) and therefore finds these things annoying af. He treats it like a period, but since his galra body has picked up that Keith has no intentions of having sex any time soon, and has likely gleaned that from negative emotional reactions to stress, Keith's 'heat' only lasts in its worst form for a day or two, with mild discomfort (though manageable) the rest of the week.
> 
> my [twitter (NaNoWriMo tracking)](https://twitter.com/bloominginthew1)  
> my [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/bloominginthewoods) (writing commisshes! art commisshes! yay!)
> 
> Please please please consider commenting- it's very validating and helps me know what yall liked best. It would also make an author's day and increase my motivation yay!!


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